The Perils of SPED

Who is You?

2011-08-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

I recently came home from a trip to Nairobi Kenya, where a good friend of mine Ashby Rauch is trying to start a home and school for children living in the slums of a Nairobi suburb. While there, a friend and native Kenyan said a phrase that kind of stuck with me, the phrase was "who is you." Her and her husband liked how I said the phrase, and would say it to me often to get me to repeat it back.

Who is you? Who are you? Who am I? Who. Am. I....really

I am still processing so bare with me, I don't have it all figured out, I'm not a finished person yet, I am still becoming. But, becoming what? Who? Who is you?

I know who I don't want to be. I don't want to be someone who takes what I have for granted. I don't want to be someone that doesn't notice, or doesn't bother to be informed enough to notice others in pain. I don't want to be someone who notices others in pain and does nothing. I want to cause as little pain to others as possible.

I do want to be compassionate, and full of grace towards others, giving of myself, my talents, my time and my funds. I want to LOVE, really love. Love so much that it hurts. At times, I get to that place. The place where it hurts to love, but not on my own. Freida, a mother whom I met living in the slums of Ngong, was used to crushed my heart. God used Freida to change me. As my friend Christine interpreted what she was saying from Swahili to English I watched the tears roll down her face and as she wiped them away I was speechless. Her husband whom infected her with HIV, had essentially left her, and her two boys. She is so ill she can't work and She is extremely frail and looks as though she doesn't have the strength to even stand. After Freida told her story, Christine told her "God loves you," and Frieda, began to cry even harder, because Christine as an extension of God's love had offered her hope. HOPE. I then was honored to pray for Frieda, but my words were jumbled and stilted (my heart hadn't caught up with my mouth yet), but despite my inability to pray, God understood the words spilling over in my heart. I want to be a person who shares my hope with others. Freida showed me that I have more to offer than I've been offering. I have more than I could ever hope to have and then some.

I'm sure I will write more later, but perhaps you could ponder "Who is you?" a while, you may be surprised at the answer.

Tantrum when no one is looking

2010-09-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

Teach to around language

2010-09-30T12:31:00.001-07:00

Manipulating the situtation (changing the enviornment to see a specific outcome)

2010-09-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

Does this look familiar?

2010-09-29T23:18:00.001-07:00

Choose your attitude

2010-09-29T23:02:00.001-07:00

Setting Events

2009-10-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

We have the power to shape a generation

2009-10-17T09:43:00.001-07:00

Punishment isn't always negative

2009-10-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

Rigid Thinking/ values

2009-10-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

Fun can change behavior

2009-10-17T09:18:00.001-07:00

Extinguish Bursts

2009-10-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

Modeling

2009-10-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

New Beginnings

2009-08-31T18:10:00.000-07:00

The autumn is a time of change. The leaves change, the weather changes, and I decided I'm going to do some changing as well. In Hawaii, I did lots of journaling and went through a Bible study, and found that I need to work on being a better steward of my time and money, and I need to work on my communications skills (this is a slightly ironic one). You would think someone as loquacious as myself wouldn't have problems in the communication skills arena. Quite the opposite actually, I am an open book as far as emotions go (expect with my students) and I often get lazy or just plain rude when I interact with others, because I'm stressed, frustrated or tired. This is unfare to those around me and I am committing to working on it. Don't get me wrong there are particular areas that I do well at when communicating with others, I just need to work on making sure that I stay connected to my friends that mean a lot to me, and "use kind words." Enough for now...

2009-08-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

2009-08-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

2009-07-29T07:47:00.001-07:00

For My ladies

2009-07-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

Canvas...I love IMMI!!

2009-07-27T20:12:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csrQgWBgfo8

2009-07-10T13:24:00.001-07:00

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2009-07-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

the grotto

2009-07-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

2009-07-08T17:32:00.000-07:00

Wise words

2009-06-16T12:39:00.001-07:00

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

oh yeah...

2009-03-11T22:37:00.001-07:00

I am NOT doing CST next year. Hate it.

It's that time of year..

2009-03-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

When my co-workers are overworked, unappreciated, underpaid, worrying about their jobs next year, worrying about their salaries next year, worried about cramming everything into their students heads that will be "tested" by the state.

With all this going on, tempers are short, words are glib, frustration mounts.

I feel all of those things, and ...

tired

frustrated

disrespected

over committed

like a failure

undervalued

tired

tired

oh yeah tired.

I will say this. The kids at work are saving me. Don't get me wrong...they can be a "test" to my character, but in these last couple (stressful) days they have kept my focus on what's important. Them.

Today I had two worried parents contact me in the morning before the kids arrived. One parent described her son's episode that morning as "he went on a rampage" and "went balistic" for no reason. I thank God that he then came to school and had a great day.

The second kids mom let me know that she had had surgery the day before and that her son had been and still was worried. He hadn't slept very well that night, only a couple hours. He too, had a great day. Little Miracles.

Did I mention I'm tired.

My Gorge-ous time off of work!!

2009-03-06T12:08:00.001-08:00

Snowshoeing

2009-01-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

Mount Hood from Trillium Lake

Jenn and Rachel trekking around Trillium

EYES!!!!

Jenn looks just like the man!
Seriously look at how much is snowed!

Snow princess!!! We thought the snow looked furry!

Mount Hood from highway 30 the morning of our trip!

AFFIRMATIONS

2008-12-09T18:36:00.000-08:00

I came up with these affirmations a couple of years ago and I thought I would post them here since they still apply and I still need the affirmation.

1. I am a channel for God's creativity and my work comes to good.
2. My dreams come from God and God has the power to accomplish them.
3. As I create and listen, I will be led.
4. Creativity is my creators will for me.
5. My creativity heals myself and others.
6. I am allowed to nurture my inner artist.
7. Through the use of my creativity I serve God.
8. As I listen to my creativity I am lead to my creator.
9. I am willing to create
10. I am willing to let god create thorugh me.
11. I am willing to be of service thorugh my creativity
12. I am willing to use my creative talents
13. My works are unique and beautiful
14. If I listen to my inner artist I will produce amazing tings.
16. My creator will fill me with creativity
17. I will be obedient when my creator asks me to be creative even if I am creating only for him.

Gold and Bronze Baby, Gold and Bronze

2008-10-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

Soo today I got to hold a bronze and gold medal from the Beijing Olympics. My Principal's son is a para-olympic medalist in doubles and singles wheelchair tennis. My friend Melissa and I got to take pics with the Gold and bronze medals. It was really fairly exciting! Picture to follow

2008-09-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

No joke...

today was Zoo member appreciation day.

I went with Erin, it was a great day.

We went by the otters.

We watched an otter eating something on it's belly for 5 mins. or so.

Only to find out that he was in fact not eating anything....

but pleasuring himself...

how embarrassing....

Funny things kids say...

2008-09-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this story with the kid is six!

So this kid in my class is squirming around like none-other.
I say "Bob do you have ants in your pants?"
He says "No, I have underwear in my pants."
I say "NO WAY! So do I!! We should start a club!"
The rest of the kids join in with additions about how we could read Captain underpants all day in "our underwear club"

That stuff kills me...

convergence

2008-09-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

so... right now my shoulders are up around my ears. I right now, at this moment, feel pulled in several directions. I have obligations at church, I am getting a new student tomorrow, I am training a brand new special ed teacher, my fellow co-worker wanted to leave early but I had so much to prep for the new comer, and couldn't leave without doing some stuff around my class and now that I'm home I just spent an hour checking responding to emails, both work and personal. (work because I didn't even get a lunch break, I ate while working with kids let alone have time for email).

I could use a massage right now, but I know I have to wait two more weeks.

So...I am dealing with a lot of different needs of a lot of different people all at the same time. Everything converges at the same time.

Isn't that the way it always works.

Anyhow....now that I have vomited my yuck maybe I can relax.

My Crazy Key Losing Day!!!

2008-09-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

Okay...

I am a

(cringe) retard!

I lost my keys at work. I stayed until 7 pm looking for them. Called a friend to help me look. Had three people offer to drive me( 45 mins) home to Beaverton from St. Helens.

I had to have my brother go to my house and unlock it and ask a co-worker to pick me up tomorrow and drive me to st. Helens.

seriously this is not how I wanted to start out my second week of school.

Pray it gets better....tomorrow I get a new kiddo at school and he needs some pretty intensive intervention. Needless to say I think it is going to be a pretty rough day.

I also plan on play a game with the kids called "huckle buckle find Miss Burke' keys" where the children will get paid money if they find them.

Maybe one of the kids took home my keys? Stranger things have happened. Stay tuned friend, stay tuned!

and a shout out to Drewie, did you notice the global warmings today? I sure did!

Summer is Dead

2008-08-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

It's official...

as i sit here in a inservice and think of all the fabulous things I could be doing....

I realize it....

summer has died.

I mourn the loss.

2008-08-22T12:59:00.001-07:00

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2008-08-22T12:57:00.002-07:00

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2008-08-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

Ella the Great is 3!

2008-08-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

Wow this girl is grrrrreat!

Therapy

2008-08-04T11:17:00.000-07:00

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8 dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
11. Sing Along At The Opera.
12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical SoundsAll Day.
14. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
15. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
16. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

17. Share this list with someone , it's called therapy

2008-07-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

Photag

2008-07-04T12:18:00.001-07:00

Pictures are amazing....they say things without using words

What does this picture say to you?

My Summer Lament

2008-06-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

Allergies are a plague upon my existence

I cry out to you o' Lord

deliver me from this affliction

rescue me from certain destruction

I wait for you o' Lord.

Ahhh....summmer....

2008-06-23T11:18:00.000-07:00

Let me list why I love summer:

sleeping in

exercising when I feel like it

hiking

sleeping in

coffee

reading leisurely

doing tasks I can not usually get to

making time for friends

playing Amish horseshoes in the front yard

laying by pools

having good conversations with friends

sleeping in

having a choice about what my day is going to look like

being alone

trying new things

sleeping in

ooh ohh staying up late

which leads to sleeping in

camping

farmers markets

In summation: I love summer, and therefore love being a teacher because it provides me with a summer.

Turn off your tv week

2008-04-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

So, it has been exactly 6 days since I have watched tv.

That is amazing. I think Emiko was starting to worry about me. (I had a favorite show or 2 or 3 on daily). Since watching tv hasn't been an option for me this week. I have found that I have had ample time to do the things I say I want to do but never do do. (he he I said do do).

List of things I have done:

Had Co-workers over
Cleaned my house
finished a scrapbook
Clean/ declutter my craft room
Started a new scrapbook
make a dozen cards
send 2 cards to people via snail mail to let them know they are loved
had a friend over to make dinner and play games and catch up
read my bible
read absolom absolom
laundry
dishes
slept
knit
went to the gym
took a bath
gave myself a pedicure
have gone geocaching
called my mum

I have gone for the remote out of habit, for example when I was cooking dinner. Have been very impressed that I haven't watched anything.

I have less than 48 hours to go and I think that I am digging life without the tv, don't get me wrong, I miss the following:

House
Bones
Grey's Anatomy
the office
Colbert Report
Daily show
Oprah
inhale (yoga program)
CSI

Responsibility

2008-01-04T17:11:00.000-08:00

Wow!!

Lately, I have been asked to take on various responsibilities. At times I feel rather inept at the tasks people have put before me. There are so many variables and choices, there are so many opportunities to go wrong, or right.

Am I up to the task??? Who knows...but I'll try and if I fail I hope that people are gracious and God gets the glory.

Maybe I'm placing a bigger burden on myself that I should....

Sacrifices...

2007-11-19T21:46:00.000-08:00

I am reading this in a book called "hinds feet in high places" and this passage as well as countless others has stuck out to me:

"Then my Lord, what was the plant which the priest tore out of my heart when I was bound to the altar?"
" do you remember, Grace and Glory, when you looked into your heart beside the pool, and found that my kid of love was not there at all--only the plant of Longing-to-be-loved?"
She nodded wonderingly.
"That was the natural human love which I tore out from your heart when the time was ripe and it was loose enough to be uprooted altogeher so that the real Love could grow theree alone and fill your whole heart."

This really resonates with me right now. I feel I too, must lay Longing-to-be-loved on the altar of sacrafice so that I can fully embrace God's very real, unfailing love.

Flutter or Fly

2007-09-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

Well the school year is almost upon me, I feel compelled to say that I will flutter or fly through the year. It's a fifty fifty chance. But, I am feeling very optimistic about it. I would dare say last year I didn't even take flight. I pray that God will grant me the patience and the strength to get through the school year.

Flux

2007-06-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

My Life is in a state of flux. I recently sent a message to a friend indicating my current life's ponderings. One question rolling around in my head is...Is this the quality of life I want to have? I told my friend the answer was a resounding "no." It begs the question...what are you going to do about it? My job, my soul crushing, exhausting job has eradicated every bit of ME that there is. With Summer break upon me I am slowly but surely trying to get reacquainted with...myself, now that my job does not consume my thoughts and actions every minute of every day.
Another thing to ponder...how did I let it get that way. Perhaps is was the striving to do and be my best. Perhaps it was my perfectionism in overdrive. Perhaps it was the my overcompensation for my feelings of being an inadequate teacher. Perhaps it was because I was afraid... of what I'm not sure...perhaps of living, REALLY living. One gets hurt when one truly LIVES with a capital L. I have been unwilling to engage in my own life apart from my schooling and my job for several years.
So it is a scary thing to truly engage with your life, with people with the world, because its all flawed and messed up. But that is what I endeavour to do. Live in the moment, enjoy the journey and not be so focused on a goal.
Not that goals are inherently bad, but when you think (even subconsciously) that you will begin LIVING when such and such is done or accomplished is a pathetic way to live.

Live, Laugh, and Love.

I think I'm having a break down

2006-10-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well I am finished with grad school. Not that anyone really reads this stuff anyway. I suppose it is a cathartic way for me to get out my feelings. I will use is as such, with discretion of course.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Teaching this year has been infanantly more difficult than last. I have encountered many stumbling blocks, like one of my assistants has only showed up 8 days of school so far. It's frickn' October! This added to the fact that 3 new children have been added to my caseload. Needless to say it has been pretty intense. Last week I cried three days in a row. I let my bosses know that something had to be done, because I couldn't get all that I need to get done done, and it isn't for a lack of trying. I come in early, stay in late and come in on the weekend. It still doesn't get done. Needless to say the powers that be sent in reinforcements to help. Thanks be to Lori T for all her help and advice. All hail Lori!!! I'll let you know in two weeks how it's going.

Christmas Craze

2005-12-24T14:07:00.000-08:00

Seriously, it's been forever since I posted. I have much to fill in. Recently I went to my very first U2 concert. It was seriously amazing, Bono is amazing. The last song they played was 40, which is based as many of you know on psalm 40. It was an incredible experience to hear so many people singing after the band had stopped. It gave me chills. I also recently went up to the mountain and snowboarded my brains out. Literally, I crashed several times very hard and have given myself whip-lash along with some very nicely colored bruises.
My parents are here visiting and I am enjoying the time with them here. They are truly funny people. I have laughed a lot since they have been here. There is a lot of bussel currently in the house. I picked up my friend Alex from the airport this last Thursday night, technically Friday morning. So it's been fun having a very full house.
While all of this is going on, I'm trying desperately to work on my work sample, I'm making slow but steady progress. It's hard with so many distractions and obligations.

Evanenscent

2005-07-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

Evanescent adj :tending to vanish like vapor sny: passing, transient, transitory, momentary

Okay class, now that we've had our vocab lesson we can go on. I chose this as the title to my blog today for two very good reasons.
First the classes are so dense this summer (each class is only two 1/2 weeks long) that I'm scared everything we have been study will vanish, when it comes time to apply it in Sept.
The second reason I chose this as my title is that it reminds me that this manic, uber crazy schedule is only momentary. It dawned on my yesterday that there are only five weeks left of the summer program before I start teaching. It's going so fast. It seems incredible to think that the bulk of what we need to know to work with children with disabilities, is going to be unloaded on us in the next five weeks. The first couple of weeks have whizzed by. I never knew how much law a special education teacher actually has to know until now. We have to know it inside and out in order to not find ourselves in a due process litigation.
Cohort five.. keepn' it real!

The Virginal Blogger

2005-07-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

Well it's offical I'm a teacher. Well qusi-teacher...I am interning in September at Lewis and Clark elementary school in St. Helens. Basically I'm the teacher and have a mentor who comes in weekly to anwser questions. My class is a mixed grade class of 3, 4, and 5 graders. The class is a behaviorl intervention class and most of the kids are classified as emotionally desturbed. That bachelors in psych will come in handy.
Right now I'm in it deep, school that is. I'm in Pacific University's Intern Special Education program. Class run all summer 8am to 4pm with one hour break. Each class is 3 hrs long. One teacher is absolutely a nut job. She sets the room up fung sheui (spelling is atrocious I know) and rings a bowl at the beginning of the class so that we can do our deep breathing and mindfulness excercises. It takes everything in me to keep it together in that class. Most of us lose all decorum and laugh openly. I partially chalk the laughter up to all the stress and lack of sleep.
It's fourth of July weekend and so far I've gone to the blues festival at Tom McCall waterfront park, watched blade trinity at a friends house, been to a wedding and read only one chapter of my copious amounts of homework. Not doing so hot on the studying thing this weekend. Tomorrow I have wakeboarding on the agenda as well as heading up to washington for the civil war re-inactment that's going on. So my only hope for my studies is Monday morning, cuz the rest of the day I'm going to be eating hot dogs and sippn' on a Mikes and playing frisbee.
All have a safe and fun 4th!!!